If I do happen to make you engage in the topic of adoption, I have some suggestions/warnings on what us adoptive parents would rather you not say. It’s ok for fellow adoptive parents to joke about some of these, but not anyone else. So here goes:
Things You Shouldn't Say To Someone Adopting, For Fear of a Sarcastic comment and my famous eye-roll (and voo-doo hexes)
1. What a lucky baby. Think of the life you are saving. (actually, she will be saving our lives)
2. Aren't you afraid you won't love her like your own? (haven’t had this yet, but people, dumb people, will think it, so don’t)
3. How much will she cost? (to which I now reply “how many times a day do you pee? Oh, thought we were asking personal questions here”)
4. Why didn't you adopt from the US? There are so many needy babies here. (Yes, and fresh out of jail mom or baby daddy can come back and take them in a few years-no thanks! For a less sarcastic answer please see my entry on FAQ regarding Chinese Adoptions).
5. Oh, that's so trendy right now! I want a Chinese baby too! (Yeah, and I am going to get a pair of knee warmers to match-those should be back in style by the time we travel to China).
6. She’ll be so _______ (fill in your own stereotypical sentiment here: smart, good natured, ect).
7. Well, now you're probably going to get pregnant!(yeah, see my previous entry…)
8. You are doing it the easy way! (let’s see…18-24 month wait vs. 9 months, background checks, dealing with INS, stacks and stacks of paperwork, it not seeming real…ect, ect, ect)
Ok, to balance out my negativity, I have to add my plus’s:
Things That Are Really Great About Adopting, And We Are Only Just Starting the Process
1. You only have the baby when you are ready…no “oops” babies. There is no mistake that this baby was planned.2. If you are in a committed relationship, that relationship gets very, very strong. And after we “have” her, we don’t have to wait 6 weeks to…you know (although the 3 week trip to China will no doubt be more exhausting than labor).
3. You have the wonderful opportunity to embrace your child's heritage and make it part of your lives. (Now I get to celebrate TWO New Years, plus Harvest Moon Festival and Lantern Festival. How cool is that?)
4. Adoption can get pretty romantic. Each milestone will be celebrated with good dinner and good wine (David hasn’t received the memo-especially since we haven’t hit any major milestones yet)--paperwork completed, dossier sent, logged in, approved. And wait till we get to the phone call that gives us our daughter. I think a trip to the Breaker’s will be in order.
5. You become a more sensitive, more aware, better person. You expand your traditional definition of what family is/should be.
6. Nobody ever doubts that you are ready to be parents, or that you want to be a parent.
7. Adoptive families of Chinese Children (FCC) have a fiercely strong network. We have met some very wonderful people and go to very cool festivals and events with them.
8. The money you save on maternity wear and prenatal vitamins can be used for more baby clothes and great shoes(for mom).
9. The anticipation for referral is devastating but hey--the payoff is gonna be so freaking great. The day we get Amelie’s referral picture and packet of info will, no doubt, take the roof off of our world. And that’s a good thing.
10. It will be incredible to get to visit another country and meet Amelie in a room full of people all becoming families at the same time. And our families will be friends forever and the girls as close as sisters. Can’t say that about people in the delivery room.
Small small small bonus: I can still have my hair highlighted and eat sushi.
1 comment:
Now we're scared to say anything! Let me know when its safe to come out from under the pillow!
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