Funny, I get asked the same questions over and over. I am contemplating having a business sized note cards with all of my standard answers so I can just hand them out when I get asked questions. Actually, the questions don't quite bother me anymore. Most of the questions never do bother me. Every once in awhile I just want to look at the person, smack them in the forehead, walk away and say "shoulda had a V-8". It happened yesterday.
Fellow dance instructor: "How old will the baby be?"
Me: "As young as 6 months"
FDI: "Wow, will she speak Chinese?"
Me: "She won't speak anything seeing that she will be a baby"
Huh, he has a 3 year old kid at home, maybe he has a baby genius?
Ok....so here is a list of Frequently Asked Questions. Will try really hard to not be snarky. Can't promise anything since I am just so good at snark.
Why China? Oh boy. This is a loaded question. When we decided to have a baby, and had some trouble getting a bun in the oven we decided to go to China after a bit of research. When we submitted our application in 2005, China was the quickest route at just 10 months. Funny how life works isn't it? It took us 7 months to get our shit, I mean dossier, together. And at that point the wait was 18 months. At 18 months the wait grew to 2 years. Two years became 3, 3 became 4.......but 4 years and 2 months will be the end of the long winding road for us! Also, the children from China are relatively healthy. There is virtually no occurrences of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the orphanages take fairly good care of the children.
Why not the US? This question is asked of me quite a bit. Sometimes with resentment. To be honest the more resentment I feel from the person asking, well...the shorter the answer. Most people are just curious and I will talk forever to them. Or until they run away screaming with their fingers in their ears or fall asleep. How am I doing on the snark? Oh, not so good, huh? Back to my answer. First, goes back to the health of the children. They have almost zero chance of having parents who smoke or drink. Second, the US is very much in favor of keeping families together. I just couldn't wait and wait for a child, then adopt them, fall in love, and have them change their mind. Third, in China we are matched with a child. In the US, you pretty much have to advertise and market yourself. There are many couples with more money, a bigger house, and who look more like an Abercrombie and Fitch (sp?) ad. The biggest reason? I have known in my heart since I was a teen that I would someday adopt from somewhere in Asia.
Why so long? Are you sure it's not a scam? No, it's not a scam. No, it's not my agency's fault. Everyone who had their dossier sent to China at the same time we did, with any agency, in the US, Canada, Australia, Norway and Spain (I know people in all these countries adopting at the same time), we are all in line together. One big ass long line that we are finally FINALLY at the front.
But you work for your agency, can't they "move you to the front"? That would be nice, but um, no. Besides, I am glad I am traveling with some really amazing people I have met along the way.
So, since you have been waiting 5 years is your kid 5? No. Some countries like Ethiopia, give you a referral at the beginning of the process, then you wait two to three years. I can't imagine having to look at her picture for that long.
How old will she be? Between 6-15 months.
Will you get a girl? We asked for a girl. But there is a very small chance we will get a boy. Very very small. I don't know of anyone who asked for only a girl and got a boy.
I heard they throw babies away over there. Geez Louise, I just cringed. I hate the way some people put that. These babies, yes mostly girls, are abandoned because of the government's "One Child" policy. When a child is abandoned in China it is most likely due to gender preference and poverty. The Chinese government introduced the policy in 1979 to alleviate social economic, and environmental problems in China, The policy is enforced at the provincial level through fines that are imposed based on the income of the family and other factors. Actually, most of the girls who are abandoned likely have an older sister still with her biological family. Families in China will try for a boy. If they have a girl, and then another girl, the second (and third and so on) are given up until they have a boy. This was a very interesting piece of information that I read in the book "Wanting a Daughter, Needing a Son".
So when can you go get her? We will have our referral either the first week of May or June. At that point we get her picture and information (location, height, weight, some developmental stage info). Six to eight weeks later we will travel to China for almost 3 weeks.
Why are you not supposed to get visitors after you get home? We want to meet her!!! We want you to meet her!! Short visits are ok. But, I'm sorry, we can't let you hold her right away. From a developmental perspective it is critical that D and I bond and attach to her as soon as possible. She will be taken from her familiar environment and shuttled across the globe to a strange place with people who speak gibberish (she won't understand English). She will be accustomed to having many babies around her and many different care givers. She will not have any idea that she is in a permanent home and will not know that we are the new parents and will not abandon her. Once we feel that she has attached well, we will be able to have her around others. We want our daughter to be an independent and strong individual who relates well to a lot of people. We have to first make sure she relates to us.
I am happy to add more FAQ at a later point!
