A Few Good Eggs

Reading a really funny book right now that is helping me deal with the whole infertility thing. The first few months after our LID, I kept thinking "yippeeeee...we are off to China eventually!". Now that a few months have passed, the initial excitement has worn off and my thoughts have turned to: "we may not get to China for a few years and the fact that everyone around me is pregant and probably will be a time OR TWO more is really getting me down, man".

I picked up the book "A Few Good Eggs" and it has definatly helped me cope by allowing me to realize that my feeling of "womb" envy are quite validated. The book kinda like "taking Charge of Your Fertility" meets "Sex in the City". It goes on to say that it's ok if I turn down alot of baby showers right now, particulary if the person isn't one of my close friends. For close friends, the book says, suck it up and put a smile on your face. Now, for those of you reading this whose shower I did turn down this year (Neal, Janna, Sori), I really did have other events planned for that day. I have witnesses, I have alibis! It's ok to vent a little when someone else gets pregnant, but not to the person who is actually pregnant. I have been doing well so far by living up to these rules of infertility living. Right? Right?

Another section of the book titled "when people you love say stupid things" really had me cracking up. I have heard so many of these comments, especially number 1 and 4, and I heard both of these on Sunday. So, here is "what not to say to a friend experiencing infertility":
1. Just don't think about it, and it will happen!
2. Maybe you're trying too hard. (Which is the same thing as, don't stress about it and it will happen. That has NOTHING to do with old, sleepy eggs and two headed sperm-yes, it's a real thing)
3. But I bet it's fun trying (sure, it's a blast and so romantic with the thermometer and all)
4. Just start to adopt-then you'll get pregnant! That happened to my friend's sister's hairdresser's cousin's teacher.
5. You are really lucky-you can do anything you want. We never get to go out anymore.
6. Don't worry, your'e still young. (Actually, now that I am 33, my eggs are going faster than a speeding bullett-sorry that is the most clever thing I can come up with on my Benedrly haze)
7. Anything new on the baby front?
8. Are you keeping your legs up after sex?
9. Does your husband wear boxers?
10. Are you taking your temperature?
11. Are you using and ovulation predictor kit? (I had someone ask me that a few weeks ago, I said rather sarcastically before I could stop myself "No, what are those?". I have in actuality spend hundreds on those in the course of two years)
12. You should probably have more sex.
13. You probably need a vacation.
14. I get pregnant just by looking at my husband. (I used to get this a-lot)
15. Give it time.
16. You can have my kids, they drive me nuts.

One in 5 couples over the age of 30 experience infertility. If you know a married couple and they don't have a baby within a few years of marriage, there is a good chance they are having issues. Maybe they just don't want kids yet or ever, but chances are they are having issues and don't feel like discussing it. I am an open book, too much so sometimes, but others aren't. I now know not to ask the dreaded "So, when are you going to have a baby"?

If you have a friend who is experiencing infertility the best thing you can say is "I don't want to keep asking you about the baby stuff, if you need to chat/vent/cry, please know I am here for you".

That is our lesson for today, class!