Yup, it was bound to happen.
For every three people that know that we are adopting, at least one has a “crystal ball” telling us we will get pregnant. It doesn’t matter when I tell them "no, that's just an old wives tale," or "no, we have sleepy eggs and two headed sperm". These well meaning individuals persist, because their sister’s boyfriend’s cousin’s aunt’s hairdresser lives next to a guy whose niece’s best friend got pregnant after they adopted, that this too will happen to us, that we will “have one on our own”. Now again, I know these people are not trying to be malicious, but they must understand, that by adopting we are having one on our own! I am really worried that some dummy will say something like that when we have Amelie with us. Like she is not a real kid, just a make-believe one.
Why are these people so desperate for me to realize that now that I am adopting, a biological child is just around the corner? Which by the way is the way to state it-biological child, not “child of your own”. Write it down. I don't know what to say anymore. I know these people are trying, in their own befuddled, bumbling way, to make me feel better. Good friends, relatives, everyone has an adoption-to-pregnancy story they want to tell me. If it happens, good for us, if not, good for us. David is nearly as sensitive to this as I am. Guess I am being “over-sensitive again”. You kinda get that way after two years the infertility process.
What about, "oh, you're adopting? Good for you! That's incredible. I'm so happy to hear it." Not this wink, this "it's okay, you still have an out" feel good stuff.
For the past three years, I've been wishing on everything--stars, birthday cakes, other people's birthday cakes, bits of dust collected from my belly button--to get pregnant. Now I wish for an easy, stress-free adoption.
I wonder: if by some screwed up chance I do get pregnant--will anyone say to me, "you know, you can still adopt!" Will anyone tell me "success" stories of women who got pregnant and then adopted successfully?
2 comments:
Yes, you ARE being over sensitive. If you know someone well enough to share with them this personal information, then you should trust that they are not vindictive or malicious. More often than not people don't know how to respond when you share something so personal with them. They will try to tell you something to lift your spirits or show you the silver lining in waiting so long to have a little bundle of your own. I know that this is INCREDIBLY emotional for the both of you, but trust that everyone you care enough about to share your story cares enough about you to wish you the best, even if they aren't eloquent enough to say the perfect thing. Give your friends and loved ones some slack.
Oh dear. I can't imagine saying that kind of stuff. Then again, for me, adoption IS the silver lining.And then again, maybe it's cos I know too many people who then stopped the adoption process when they got pregnant and that just kills me.I feel such a kinship with the kids that don't get a home that even though they don't always know they were going to be adopted, it hurts to know that they are now not 'needed' anymore.
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