6/08/2010
In a Little While
In a little while Surely you'll be mine In a little while I'll be there In a little while This hurt will hurt no more I'll be home, love!
When the night takes a deep breath And the daylight has no air If I crawl, if I come crawling home Will you be there
In a little while I won't be blown by every breeze Friday night running To Sunday on my knees
That girl, that girl She's mine And I've know her since Since she was a little girl With Spanish eyes Oh, when I saw her In a pram they pushed her by
My, how you've grown Well it's been, yeah It's been a little while
Slow down my beating heart Man dreams one day to fly A man takes a rocketship into the skies He lives on a star that's dying in the night And follows in the trail The scatter of light
Slow down my beating heart Slowly, slowly love Slow down my beating heart Slowly, slowly love Slow down my beating heart
6/07/2010
If the phone doesn't ring...it's me (or my agency)
6/03/2010
Red Thread
How the Matching Room Works

Next they match orphanages up with agencies. This orphanage has six babies, this agency has six families. These two orphanages are in the same province and have a total of 12 babies, this agency has 12 families. When they are through with this is when (I believe) some agencies start to get information about the cut-off date. Or at least it is when they used to start getting information.
And then they start matching individual babies to individual families. At some point during this part of the process most agencies used to hear from their person in the matching room to let them know how many referrals they will be receiving and from what province(s). Some agencies shared this information with their clients. Some chose not to. Recently I’ve gotten the feeling that many agencies are still getting this information but they are being given orders by the CCAA to not share this information with the families.
Just as in the review room, each matcher is assigned certain agencies and is responsible for communicating with their agencies. Some matchers tell their agency the cut-off date, some matchers tell their agency “you have X number of referrals arriving”, some matchers give their agency a list of that agency’s families that will be receiving a referral. And some matchers don’t say anything at all to their agencies.
The next question that comes up is generally how the matchers match families and babies. I’ve heard from several people who have had the opportunity to speak with someone who works in the matching room. The various conversations seem to all agree that they first look for something that stands out: a matching birthday, a baby who looks a lot like a parent, or a baby who likes music and a parent who teaches music. Several matching people have stated they match by bone structure of the baby’s face and the parent’s faces (this is why they need our passport photos, so they can compare our mug shot with the baby’s mug shot). Some have stated that they used Chinese astrology, also. Once they’ve matched the obvious matches they then start to look at things like age of child requested. The age requested is not a priority for them, they feel they are matching families and not filling orders.
We are being matched!

4/21/2010
Honey Do List
4/09/2010
China's One Child Policy....
4/07/2010
Background
4/06/2010
Woodsie has her baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4/05/2010
Magical Powers
3/31/2010
Someday a Mom

As a girl I had a common dream, to be a mom someday.
The Paper Pregnant Wait
An Ultrasound,
Or Referral.
Our first peek at,
Our boy or girl.
Some are Pregnant,
We're Adopting.
What's the Diff'rence.
Really Nothing.
Some come by Stork,
Some come by Plane,
When they arrive,
It's all the same.
Our boys and girls,
Despite the path,
Still need our love,
Our hugs and laughs.
We dream daily,
How she's doing,
What she looks like,
How she's feeling.
Is She Healthy,
And do they care,
Is she happy,
Or is she scared.
Do they hold her,
Rock her to sleep,
Do they give her,
Enough to eat.
I vent my fears,
Four words per line,
I let them out,
With words that rhyme.
We read the books,
On Week-by-Week,
On how she grows,
And best car seats.
I watch the clock,
And Calendar too.
Trying to guess,
When she is due.
Not for the day,
When she arrives,
But for the day,
She joins our lives.
Because one day,
Out of the blue,
Our girl is born,
Somehow we knew.
We are pregnant,
In our own way,
All celebrate,
"Forever Day".
Despite my fears,
I must have faith,
Warm and healthy,
I know she's safe.
How do I wait?
I've asked before,
The Paper Pregnant wait,
I'll wait some more.
Parenting Classes
Living Vicariously through....

3/26/2010
Ugh....really?
3/24/2010
What 47 months pregnant looks like....
Attachment and Bonding
Why all of these crazy rules you say? The first year she is home, we must recreate for her what the first year would have been like if she was born to us. She needs to become totally dependent on us. Even if she is 18 months when she comes home and can feed herself, we can't let her. I know alot of people looking outside in will think us FCC parents are over protective, too uptight, somewhat nutso, but these things must be done in order to have a healthy toddler and a healthy adult later on. The thinking is she must go through all of her stages, even when we have to start at stage one.Some other interesting advice the therapist gave us:- Practice alot of eye contact, usiing mirrors if she won't look directly at you. Learn a few words in Chinese. While we are in China, she'll still have some familiar smells, tastes, ect...but once we get home, everything will be unfamiliar. Kinda like taking someone from Amish country and bringing them to Vegas by themselves. It would probably be frighteneing. If we speak some Chinese to her, she'll have something familiar to her. Exchange something of value for something the nanny or fostermom wore, so that she has that familiar scent around her. Buy a Chinese lullaby cd to play at night. When you hold her to rock her to sleep, cradle her in your arms so she can have that eye contact. Tell her that she had a story before she came in her forever home, she wasn't just adopted, she was born. On Mother's day, light a candle for fer birth mother. This will help deal with the grief she will always have.
3/23/2010
FAQ

Funny, I get asked the same questions over and over. I am contemplating having a business sized note cards with all of my standard answers so I can just hand them out when I get asked questions. Actually, the questions don't quite bother me anymore. Most of the questions never do bother me. Every once in awhile I just want to look at the person, smack them in the forehead, walk away and say "shoulda had a V-8". It happened yesterday.
Fellow dance instructor: "How old will the baby be?"
Me: "As young as 6 months"
FDI: "Wow, will she speak Chinese?"
Me: "She won't speak anything seeing that she will be a baby"
Huh, he has a 3 year old kid at home, maybe he has a baby genius?
Ok....so here is a list of Frequently Asked Questions. Will try really hard to not be snarky. Can't promise anything since I am just so good at snark.
Why China? Oh boy. This is a loaded question. When we decided to have a baby, and had some trouble getting a bun in the oven we decided to go to China after a bit of research. When we submitted our application in 2005, China was the quickest route at just 10 months. Funny how life works isn't it? It took us 7 months to get our shit, I mean dossier, together. And at that point the wait was 18 months. At 18 months the wait grew to 2 years. Two years became 3, 3 became 4.......but 4 years and 2 months will be the end of the long winding road for us! Also, the children from China are relatively healthy. There is virtually no occurrences of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and the orphanages take fairly good care of the children.
Why not the US? This question is asked of me quite a bit. Sometimes with resentment. To be honest the more resentment I feel from the person asking, well...the shorter the answer. Most people are just curious and I will talk forever to them. Or until they run away screaming with their fingers in their ears or fall asleep. How am I doing on the snark? Oh, not so good, huh? Back to my answer. First, goes back to the health of the children. They have almost zero chance of having parents who smoke or drink. Second, the US is very much in favor of keeping families together. I just couldn't wait and wait for a child, then adopt them, fall in love, and have them change their mind. Third, in China we are matched with a child. In the US, you pretty much have to advertise and market yourself. There are many couples with more money, a bigger house, and who look more like an Abercrombie and Fitch (sp?) ad. The biggest reason? I have known in my heart since I was a teen that I would someday adopt from somewhere in Asia.
Why so long? Are you sure it's not a scam? No, it's not a scam. No, it's not my agency's fault. Everyone who had their dossier sent to China at the same time we did, with any agency, in the US, Canada, Australia, Norway and Spain (I know people in all these countries adopting at the same time), we are all in line together. One big ass long line that we are finally FINALLY at the front.
But you work for your agency, can't they "move you to the front"? That would be nice, but um, no. Besides, I am glad I am traveling with some really amazing people I have met along the way.
So, since you have been waiting 5 years is your kid 5? No. Some countries like Ethiopia, give you a referral at the beginning of the process, then you wait two to three years. I can't imagine having to look at her picture for that long.
How old will she be? Between 6-15 months.
Will you get a girl? We asked for a girl. But there is a very small chance we will get a boy. Very very small. I don't know of anyone who asked for only a girl and got a boy.
I heard they throw babies away over there. Geez Louise, I just cringed. I hate the way some people put that. These babies, yes mostly girls, are abandoned because of the government's "One Child" policy. When a child is abandoned in China it is most likely due to gender preference and poverty. The Chinese government introduced the policy in 1979 to alleviate social economic, and environmental problems in China, The policy is enforced at the provincial level through fines that are imposed based on the income of the family and other factors. Actually, most of the girls who are abandoned likely have an older sister still with her biological family. Families in China will try for a boy. If they have a girl, and then another girl, the second (and third and so on) are given up until they have a boy. This was a very interesting piece of information that I read in the book "Wanting a Daughter, Needing a Son".
So when can you go get her? We will have our referral either the first week of May or June. At that point we get her picture and information (location, height, weight, some developmental stage info). Six to eight weeks later we will travel to China for almost 3 weeks.
Why are you not supposed to get visitors after you get home? We want to meet her!!! We want you to meet her!! Short visits are ok. But, I'm sorry, we can't let you hold her right away. From a developmental perspective it is critical that D and I bond and attach to her as soon as possible. She will be taken from her familiar environment and shuttled across the globe to a strange place with people who speak gibberish (she won't understand English). She will be accustomed to having many babies around her and many different care givers. She will not have any idea that she is in a permanent home and will not know that we are the new parents and will not abandon her. Once we feel that she has attached well, we will be able to have her around others. We want our daughter to be an independent and strong individual who relates well to a lot of people. We have to first make sure she relates to us.
I am happy to add more FAQ at a later point!
Objects of desire


I have 99% of everything this kid needs til she is 5. Seriously. Thanks to my wonderful FCC (families with Chinese children) buddies, family and other pals, I can't even close the guest closet without kicking in the door. So I am really not "registering" per se. I did find a handful of essentials I still need (carrier, extra car seat, stroller) and some things I would love to have but not a "need" (diaper bag, cute toys, lullaby cd's). Since I don't know her age, and when I get her info I really won't know her developmental stage, I didn't want to register for much. But it's still fun to see all the really interesting stuff out there! I am not into cartoon stuff, Disney, ect. Thus...the U2 lullaby cd. I know, it's not all about me....
Birth Mother's Poem
She had no choice.
In a country of millions
She had just one voice.
The law made it clear
One child would do.
To obey it would mean
No hope for you.
As she laid you down
Her eyes became blurried.
On saying goodbye
Said don't you worry.
Another will come
To take my place.
A mother will come
From a different race.
She'll hold you and love you
As if you're her own.
She'll take you away
To a brand new home.
She then ran away
Her heart broke in two.
Don't ever forget
Of my love for you.
Tom Fisher
6/24/2009
Wish List



So most people who are pregnant don't start their registry until a month or two before the baby arrives. But, with 38 months behind me and maybe 9 ahead of me, I am jumping the gun and registering on Amazon.com. They have a really cool feature that lets you add items from any website to your wish list. I have a somewhat different taste in things, I don't like pale pink, or Disney, or anything with little teddy bears on it....just not my style. I grew up with five older brothers, and though I am not a tomboy by any means, I like things that are just a little on the "hip" side. So, here are a few things that I added to my wish list. Hopefully Amelie won't look back and say "My mom was such a dork!!!!!!!!"
1. U2 lullaby music. D does not love this choice. He loves U2, but has it in his head that she will only fall asleep to the sounds of Mozart and Bach. While good choices, the girl needs some alternative, and Winnie the Poo is not going to be an available alternative. Just sayin'.
2. Sorry To Have Kept You All Waiting onesey.
I just find it very very cute. In reality, the CCAA has kept us waiting, not her. But still, funny. I think she will wear it off the plane.
3. Sock puppet. Every kid has gotta have one. Right? A little nostalgia, a little funk?
6/22/2009
New predicitions...now January for worse case scenario

Ok, so...after 5 hours of dancing on my feet today,
my feet are not working, and my brain isn't much
better. But, I came home to find that the
fabulous Rumor Queen finished her monthly
predictions. For the last year or more, the CCAA
hasn't even come close to what they used to do.
We only now look at the far left columns. For all intents and purposes, I really only look at the Spring 08 Column because this is pretty much
worse case scenario. And after being Charlie Brown having the football pulled away far too many
times over the last 3 years I am learning my lesson. Expect the worst, be happy as hell if anything goes better than that...right? So it looks like January now? Many of my April gal pals aren't thrilled about that, but I will take it....
6/20/2009
It could still happen
if the same referral pace continues (80 per batch) the next batches look like:
March 20 06 (82) JUNE
March 23 06 (70) - one day more puts at 101 JULY
March 27 06(70) - one day more puts at 101 AUG
April 2 06 (79) SEPT
April 6 06 (79) OCT
April 16 06 (75) NOV
April 25 06 (86) DEC
May 11 06 (86) JAN
If those batches go back to arriving roughly 30 days apart, and the next one arrives mid/late June, then that April 25 cutoff would arrive in December or January
6/19/2009
So You Think You Can (Kinda) Dance?
Seriously, I am taking this approach to the land of the unemployed as a blessing. They say they average person changes careers 7 times in their lives. Time for me to reinvent myself! My goal is to use my Corporate Training background and Social Work experience and combine them into a facilitator of sorts in the adoption world. I work veeeeerrrrryyyyyyy part time for my adoption agency as a home study provider. I heart my job but it is so little hours that I have no excuse to not expand. I really have to go back and complete my Master's to really expand my horizons, but with a kid on the way in the spring, well, I have to wait until the fall of 2010 for that. So, in the meantime I took on not one but TWO volunteer jobs. Am I nuts? My husband thinks I might be. But with one I will gain trainer experience and with the other I will learn about the world of domestic adoptions and foster care. But, I still need to find something to bring in a little extra til Amelie comes home.
Which leads me my title of this post.....upon accident I fell upon an ad for a Ballroom Specialist. Turns out I used to dance at the studio where the owner used to dance. I called him and he said he needed someone to teach the newbie students, but not a professional by any means. So, I had my "interview" last night. Not sure how it went. I had to go to a group salsa class which was intermediate level. There were a few of us that he was watching. I hadn't danced in over a year and was very rusty! I felt like I had two left feet during some parts, because they were steps that he considered "basic" that I had never learned. He asked me to come back Monday morning to another class so he can see how I do. Ugh, my luck he will throw me into East Coast Swing or Samba or something else that I know very little of. At least I looked if not danced the part...all black with my hair pulled back. I figure that even if I don't get it, at least I got a few free classes out of it! Ginger Rogers? More like Mr. Rogers....but time will tell! Damn, now I have "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood" in my head.....would you be mine, would you be mine....
6/17/2009
I'm back!
I did change the look of the blog and I like what I see....maybe that will inspire me to get back on!
Heading over to Amy M's to do some "slunch planning"....til manana!
1/11/2009
Tagged by Kathryn-Pet questions
1. What is the first pet you remember?
A springer spaniel named Bounce. He used to bounce off the diving board of our pool. He died when he was only 4 from kidney failure, but he was a great dog.
2. How many different kinds of pets have you owned?
Dogs (about 12 of them), Cats and a few guinea pigs when I was little.
3. What was your strangest pet?
My husband's cat lives in the garage, by choice. And he licks his huevos everytime my husband is near him and his little lipstick comes out. He is gross.
4. What is your dream pet?
Ones that I can take in public without pulling, jumping and barking. I am working with our trainer on that!
5. What is your nightmare pet?
Luckily my pets have destroyed very little, but I can't let Fergie my wheaten around other dogs offleash. She is very aggressive because her stupid previous owners never socialized her. They ruined her confidence. Our trainer said that it's unlikely that we'll ever be able to trust her around other dogs.
6.Your best/ funniest pet story...
When Annie my goldendoodle was about 7 months old I took her to a bbq. I had set a chocolate Bailey's trifle on the ground for a second before I put it in a cooler. I turned my head and Annie's entire face was covered with my trifle. Because of the booze and the chocolate, we poured peroxcide down her throat to make her puke. She didn't. The girl has a stomach made of steel.
7. Tell your worst/ saddest pet story...
Our last Wheaten Quincy got Addison's disease when he was two. He almost died several times over the next year and a half, before he had a heart attack when he was three and a half. He was chasing a tennis ball one second and then he crawled in my lap, moaned and died.
8. Did you ever have a scary animal experience?
See above.
9. What was your favorite pet?
I don't have a favorite, but I do miss Quincy terribly. He was such a great little boy.
10. What did you really want to tell us about pets that didn't fit into the other questions?
Rescue a pet! Never buy a dog from a petstore!
12/30/2008
It's been awhile
So, where are we now in regards to this adoption? We now have 55 LID's ahead of us, and at an average pace of 5.3 days per month over the past year we have 11 months to go. HOWEVER, the month of March 2006 (we have an LID of April 24 2006) is GINORMOUS. It may take them until November to get through March, putting us at a spring 2010 referral. Wait and see, wait and see.
12/16/2007
Exciting News!
Andi and Tom got their referral! Andi and Tom got their referral! What a wonderful early Christmas gift! They waited just under 24 months for this wonderful gift...and Miss Olivia was born on Christmas day!
We can't wait to welcome her into our FCC group with open arms some time in January!
Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!
Now back to my break (hey, this was very important stuff!)
12/02/2007
Taking another bloggie break
So Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
Toodles!
11/26/2007
Yes, it's been some time since I have had time to blog with stuffing my fat arse with turkey and gravy over the weekend but....
OMG Ya'll.....look what was on TMZ.com (in my best Britney impersonation)
Now this is just funny. I am sure this isn't true. She isn't yet 30, she's single, she has a DUI and a million other things that would get her denied before her application even gets reviewed. Love the "final stages of talking to an agency". What? There is no final stages of talking to an agency. If this is true, Britney is more worthless and dumber than I even imagined. If it's not true, the writer is just as dumb. Probably both.
Britney to Order in Chinese ... Babies?
Posted Nov 25th 2007 1:50PM by TMZ Staff
Filed under: Gossip/Rumors, Britney Spears
Take this one for what it's worth: Britain's News of the World is reporting that Britney Spears is going to adopt Chinese twins. Run for the hills, the end is near!The paper says the popwreck is telling friends that "she's in the final stages of talks with an adoption agency." Can she even find China on a map?
K-Fed and Brit are set for another round of custody talks tomorrow morning. Neither is expected to be there, but we hear part of the hearing will revolve around who gets the kids at Christmas and other holidays.
If Britney loses custody of her kids, News of the World feels she can just get two more!
11/17/2007
Too much time on my hands (temporarily)
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car) Bounce Cruiser
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)Mint Chocolate Chip Chocolate Chip
3. YOUR “FLY GIRLl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first 3 letters of last name) K-Del
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal) Periwinkle Lemur
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Marie Baltimore
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)Del-Kr
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)The Pink Cuba Libre
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers) George Henrico
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy) Lovely Lindor
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ) Ann Wilson (OMG-I am a member of the band Heart!)
11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter) Rose Richmond
12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower). Spring Calla Lily
13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”)Pomogrante Nightie
14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree) Slim Fast Cypress (sounds more like my gangsta name)
15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather + “Tour”)The Salsa 70 and Sunny Tour
11/16/2007
Catching up....
A heartbreaking tale occurred this week in China....a couple went to China, adopted their little girl and the dad died of a diabetic stroke while still in China. The lovely US gov't wanted to make the poor mom re-do a bunch of paperwork which would have kept her in China for who knows how long. Our kick-ass China adoption community banned together and basically stalked Condi Rice and a few others until they moved mountains and let the mom and baby daughter back in the US. I just can't even begin to imagine what this family is going through, but all the prayers and calls and letters worked.
On a different note, I went up to Orlando to my agency's Florida office yesterday. I am officially the newest "Homestudy Provider" for CCAI in Florida. Woo-hoo! Not sure how much work I will get (seriously, my agency is telling people it's a 3-4 year wait, who is signing up for it?) but I am very happy to have my foot in the door. The director also told me that with our log-in date she suspects we will have our referral by the end of next year. I won't hold my breath though, as many times as I run the numbers, I keep getting anywhere from Feb 09 to July 09. We'll see!
Speaking of the little Orlando trip, because I am such a chicken sh!t and hate driving out of a 10 mile radius by myself, I drug David with me. He in turn decided it would a great idea to have a trial run with the dogs in preparation for our Atlanta trip in December. Of course the first rest stop we went to I stepped right into dog poo (not from our mutts, they were in the car still). I didn't even notice until I got back in the car. That made for a smelly commute! David spent the day visiting dog parks in Orlando. I thought he was nuts for wanting to take them, but he had a great time. They found a dog park with a lake and the girls decided that they aren't afraid of the water any longer. Good thing he brought towels and shampoo! My day was great as well, the "interview" and training was very relaxed and we were headed home in time to catch Grey's!
11/07/2007
Wait times and finally a little honesty form CCAA
Basically, a couple of notable comments:
CCAA admitted the wait could get up to 4 years. Finally, they admit what we all have guessed. I don't think we will wait 4 years. I think we will wait just over 3. Still stinks.
All people in line will get a baby. Do not despair. However, it could be YEARS. Well, this gives me comfort actually. I just keep thinking, what if we keep waiting and waiting and nothing ever comes of it? A huge part of me has decided to do the Ignorance is Bliss thing and not allow myself to invest any more money on clothes, toys ect-just in case it doesn't happen.
The wait is getting longer because:
1) They are relaxing the one-child policy. This is a double edge sword. As we decry the one child policy as unfair and unjust, it allows more adoptions. With the relaxation of the policy, less children are entering the system. Double edged, indeed.
2) Everything we have discussed about SWI's making babies paper-ready, the fact that what we pay them does not begin to cover their $ needs to get babies ready for IA. There is no incentive to make babies IA paper ready. Meanwhile hundreds of thousands of beautiful innocent orphaned children will never have parents. Only a very very small percentage will ever be adopted. This makes me so angry. Not just for those of us waiting, but for the poor children who will never have much of a life. They deserve rich, fulfilling lives outside of the orphange walls.
3) As the population grows wealthier, domestic adoption is on the rise. This, along with the Chinese government high light on the issue of not enough females for the men, is causing the middle class and the wealthy to adopt girls. Not sure if I buy this statement. So people who can't afford to pay the fine to have more than one child abandon their girls, but people who can afford the children can adopt? Makes zero sense to me. Then again, alot of rules make no sense.
4) The Olympics are their primary focus. Everything else will take a back seat. I have never looked so forward to the Olympics, and I can't wait for them to be over. Does that mean in August 08 there will be a speedup? Will adoptions shut down for the months leading up to the Olympics? Only CCAA, God and time know the answer.
5) China has never wanted to have more adoptions than any other country. In fact, they wanted to be lower than S. Korean, Russia, etc. They went from around 3000 to 10,000. There is a belief that they want this number to go back down and it could conceivably go back down to 3000 babies a year. If that is still higher than other countries, it could still be lower. Yikes.
Don't get me wrong, I don't feel entitled for the Chinese government to give me a child. Alot of IA PAP's do, and I have read their comments. I feel like this will be the biggest blessing that could be bestowed upon us. I do however feel that they need to continue to be honest with us fellow IA PAP's. I feel like every month we (and when I say we I mean adoption agencies) are told something conflicting regarding the wait and slowdown from the previous meeting with the CCAA. All we can do is prepare for the worst and hope for the best. As long as the worst isn't the shutdown of IA from China.
11/06/2007
By the author of China Ghosts
Finding Zhao Gu
By Jeff Gammage
At about 10 a.m. on June 19, 2003, in the western Chinese city of Wuwei, a man named Ma Guoxing was walking across town, intent on a pending business appointment.
But as he neared the Wei’an Health Center, he noticed a crowd of people at the front gate, and he interrupted his journey to go and see what had so captivated their interest.
On the ground was a newborn baby, a girl, crying loudly.
Ma Guoxing did what no one else would do: He reached down and picked up the child. Then he turned around and began to walk back the way he had come, the baby in his arms.
* * *
Before I knew there was a man named Ma Guoxing, I imagined his existence.
I wondered what he — or she — might look like, whether he was married or single, had children or not. Most of all I yearned to know the secrets that he, alone among millions in China, held within himself.
That sort of longing is common to people like me, the American parents of Chinese children. Some 62,000 kids, almost all of them girls, have been adopted into new homes in this country since the early 1990s. But where American-born children routinely have baby photos and bronzed booties, these girls have blank spots.
Abandoned by Chinese parents barred from having “extra” children, the girls arrive with no record of their family origins. The most basic information about their beginnings – day of birth, hour of birth – is usually unknown and unknowable. So the girls’ American parents long to know the next best thing — the facts of their daughter’s discovery, details beyond the generalities of date and place. They want to be able to tell their children the name of the person who found them. Whether it was on a particular bench inside a train station, or beside a certain statue outside in a park. If it was hot or cold, sunny or raining, day or night.
Yet these details often pass unrecorded, meaningless to administrators running a Chinese welfare system awash in baby girls. For instance, for my eldest daughter, Jin Yu, the official account of her discovery runs six words: Found in Guangxin Alley, Aug. 5, 2000.
That’s all. And that’s typical.
So in 2004, when my wife and I arrived in Gansu Province to adopt our second daughter, Zhao Gu, we were shocked to find two bits of tantalizing information — one a hope, the other a mystery — embedded in the paperwork.
The hope was contained in three Chinese characters: A name. Supposedly that of the man who found our child. It sounded like he worked at the local orphanage, but the translation was rough. Was he truly the person who discovered our baby? Or was he merely the worker sent to retrieve her, after she was discovered by others?
When we returned home, I wrote to officials in China, and I wished — that this man was who he appeared to be, that I could find a way to contact him, somehow pierce the walls of distance and language. That my new daughter could learn the precise circumstances of the most momentous day of her life. That against a backdrop of loss and anonymity, she could grow up knowing there was someone in her homeland who could honestly say, “I remember you.”
Two things happened that felt a lot like fate.
The first was the arrival of an official-looking letter from China. It bore no signature. It said: Yes, the man about whom you inquired, Ma Guoxing, is employed at the Wuwei Social Welfare Institute. And, no, he was not sent to recover the baby. He was the person who found her.
The second was the arrival at my newspaper of a Chinese reporter named Sunny Hu. Sunny was as bright and cheerful as her name, full of enigmatic Eastern idioms, come from the Shanghai Star to study American journalism. When I told her I had confirmed the name and workplace of the man who found my youngest child, she offered a forthright Western response: “Let’s call him up.”
* * *
We wait until night to telephone, because of the 12-hour time difference. The number I have for the orphanage is wrong. We dial again, reaching people who have no idea why we’re calling. Eventually we get through to the orphanage, and Ma Guoxing’s co-workers, who tell us he’s off. Then we reach his wife, who says he’s out. Finally we reach his daughter — who provides his cellphone number.
“It’s ringing,” Sunny says, adjusting the mouthpiece on her headset.
She begins to speak in Mandarin, then turns to me and nods — it’s him.
Sunny laughs, her voice light. I think, This is good. Ma Guoxing is not annoyed that we’ve called his personal line. He does not insist we obtain official permission to speak with him, or refer us to some faceless government functionary. He’s happy to chat.
Sunny starts into my list of my questions, saying “Oh …” and “Ah …,” listening more than talking, scribbling down every word, the how and when and where of my daughter’s discovery. I feel like I am watching the opening of a lost crypt, that buried secrets are about to be revealed. China has 1.3 billion people, but only one of them found my baby on the street, and now he is on the phone.
I hear Sunny say, “baba,” meaning, “daddy.” She hands me the headset.
I speak only English. Ma Guoxing speaks only Mandarin. But I want to hear his voice, and I want him to hear mine. I need to say the words: Thank you. Thank you for holding my baby close when she was alone, for taking her to a place where she would be safe, for helping her when I was not there to help her.
“Hello?” I say. My mouth has gone dry. “Ni hao?”
“Ni hao,” he answers.
Ma Guoxing’s voice is strong and deep.
I say, “I want to tell you how much I appreciate what you did. I want to tell you how much it means and” — and I am unable to go on.
He says something in Chinese. He must think the line has gone dead. I’m afraid he will hang up, that this man, this ghost, will slip back into the shadows.
“I am so grateful,” I manage.
“Xie xie,” Sunny whispers to me. Thank you.
“Xie xie, xie xie,” I say.
Sunny takes the phone.
Ma Guoxing says the child was swathed in a blanket. Tucked inside the wrap was a baby bottle and some formula. The girl was crying so loud! He remembers that clearly. He says the authorities tried very hard to find her Chinese parents, publicizing her discovery in the newspaper and even on radio and TV. No one came forward.
He tells us about his trek across town, how he noticed the crowd outside the clinic. He answers every question. After nearly half an hour, he has told us all he knows, and Sunny begins to say our goodbyes. But Ma Guoxing is not ready to go. Not yet. It turns out, he has long wondered about the baby he found by the gate. It has nagged at him, how he has been cut off from the story of her future — as fully as I have been blocked from the story of her past.
Now Ma Guoxing has questions of his own: Where is the girl living? Is she well? Is she healthy?
Sunny tells him: The child is well indeed. She is living in the United States, near Philadelphia, and she wants for nothing. Her parents and big sister love her very much.
Ma Guoxing says he would like photos to be sent to him. And if the child should someday travel to China, he would welcome her to visit his home. He will tell her in person about the day their lives intersected on a Wuwei street.
* * *
Ma Guoxing stepped away from the health-center gate, the newborn baby light in his arms.
He carried her to the local orphanage, where she was given a name — the surname of Wu, for the city of Wuwei, and a first name of Zhao Gu, meaning, “New beginning, beautiful girl.” She was laid down to sleep in a crib beside three other baby girls.
Almost exactly a year later, on a sunlit June morning, little Zhao Gu was bathed in a gray metal basin, then dressed in new clothes of blue. She was driven miles out of Wuwei, across central Gansu Province to the capital city of Lanzhou. A hotel elevator lifted her high to an upper-floor conference room, and there she was placed in the arms of her new parents.
If Ma Guoxing had been there, he would have recognized her cry.
Big wheels keep on turnin......

I copied this article from Yahoo (I am sure I am breaking some sort of copyright law here, whatever). I don't know if we will attempt to go on this, I am not scared of heights but this looks like it would scare the crap out of me!
.....Higher than both the London Eye and the Singapore Flyer, which opens in March, the Beijing Great Wheel will tower 208 metres (682 ft) when finished in 2009, executives said on Monday, which would make it the highest and largest in the world.
The giant ferris wheel will have 48 air conditioned observation capsules, each of which can carry up to 40 passengers, and on a good day even the Great Wall is expected to be visible in the mountains to Beijing's north.
"The wheel itself is a nice add-on to the city. It's a new icon for the city," Great Wheel Corp Chief Executive Officer Stephan Matter told Reuters ahead of the ground-breaking ceremony.
The wheel will stand in eastern Beijing's Chaoyang Park, where beach volleyball events will take place at next year's Olympics, and have far greater capacity than the London Eye, Matter said.
"The capsule in London caters for 25. Ours will cater for 40 people. It's like a little bus. It's 18 tonnes heavy. It's like your living room," he added.
Costing a total of around 200 million euros (139 million pounds), tickets will go for about 100 yuan (6 pounds) a head, Matter said, though final prices have yet to be decided.
"The Beijing one will be very affordable," he added.
The experience will be like flying, said chairman Florian Bollen, whose company is also involved in the Singapore wheel.
"It will allow the people of Beijing to rise up and see the city from a completely new perspective," he said. "It is a flight."
Matter brushed off worries Beijing's notorious smog may spoil the party.
"It is an issue, but it's increasingly better," he said. "I believe the Chinese government will improve it further and yes you will have pollution, but the wheel itself is an attraction. From that perspective, I'm not worried at all."
11/05/2007

It's official, they are up to December 8th 05. Another lousy single digit batch. It's been almost year since they (the great and mighty CCAA) did a double digit batch. 8 days, 4 days, 2 days, 5 days. We have 137 ahead of us. Tired of doing the math. Need chocolate.
I think I will start buying things for her little by little (maybe an item or two a month) once they get to the January or February 06 LID's. Til then, ignorance is bliss.
Happy b-day Sammi!
Saturday we helped Samantha celebrate her 2nd birthday. It was nice to see her with her Chinese "sisters" Brea and Gigi. I don't have a working camera so I "borrowed" this from your blog Ana! Um, I am assuming after we left the girls were covered in cupcake icing and therefore lost their shirts? I didn't know it was a topless party...ha ha ha!
We had the perfect weekend. David's softball game was canceled last minute, so we spent a beautiful afternoon after the Elmo party at one of my favorite places on the water, Prime Catch, with several of our close friends. The weather is SoFla has finally cooled....well, it's below 85 now so it's very enjoyable! Sunday morning Fergie (my wheatie) had these weird sneeze/hiccup things going on for an hour. She turned out to be ok after awhile and we were able to spend the day at the dog park and then at our friends pool. Poor furbabies are dog-tired today! It's weekends like this that make the wait tolerable!
10/31/2007
Last night I had the strangest dream
My dream starts off with me living with a few college roommates. David is no where to be found in this dream. We are at a pool party and I get the referral call. I ask the voice on the other end where I go now and she says "You have to come to the ladies shoe department at Sears to get your information". So, I rush to this old three story mall and run through the entire mall, sweating, to get to Sears (why didn't I just park at Sears, who knows). Once I get to the entrance I look up and see it doesn't say Sears but ChinaWorld. I run to the shoe department and this little old Chinese lady screams at me to "Calm Dow, Calm Dow"! She instructs me to get in line behind a group of 10 guys getting their law degree from Florida A & M University. I have to wait until they get their degrees, then I will be handed my referral. I am clearly flirting with one that looks like Taye Diggs. So, the guys get their degrees and then I get handed a crumpled up piece of paper with a picture of a 9 year old girl on it. Her name is Xiou Zaw and her DOB is 04/10/81. I start crying to the lady "But, she's 9 (note the DOB, she's really 26), I asked for a baby! " And then she takes the picture, rips it up and says "No baby for you", then I woke up.
10/25/2007
Over the hump?

Here we are. Officially over the year and a half mark. I keep telling myself the WORSE case scenario brings our referral in April of 2009.
Did I celebrate this mark yesterday? Not too much. I spent the evening with my pooches curled up on the couch with me reading my new favorite book. If you are in the process of adopting, or just want to know what we are going through please read China Ghosts, My Daughter's Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood. You can read more about it at www.chinaghosts.com As the title states, it's about a father's journey to his baby girl adopted from China. I wiped away many tears reading this book. It could very well have been about D and I. The father was happy with just he and his wife, even after the infertility treatments, he figured being childless was meant to be. His wife he said however was "hurt down to her soul without a child of her own". She brought up the idea of China, and though the wait was horrendous (they adopted during the SARS epidemic and waited two years) they never looked back. It's a great read, only took me a day (night) and a half to finish it. There is alot of good information in there about the one child policy and explains that most of these abandoned girls are actually second daughters, most of them have an older sister out there still living with the biological family. The writer explains that he believes his daughter will always have these "China Ghosts" surrounding her, who are her biological family wondering what ever became of her......
10/18/2007
And we wait.....
As we approach the 18 month mark next week...it seems the closer we get, the more I feel that our lives are on hold. We have to be past the halfway mark. Period.
Referrals are finally through November 2005. It took the CCAA SIX months to get through Nov 05 LID's. Holy crap. From what I understand it will take them a full year to get through April 07 LID's because it was such a huge influx of dossiers (people submitting before the May 07 rule changes). Not to be selfish, but THANK GOD we have an April 06 LID and not an April 07! There are only four and a half months worth of files in China until they get to ours. As you know, the only problem is this doesn't mean we'll have our referral in four and half months. Oh no, not even close. It could actually be anywhere from 12 months to eek-24 more months or beyond, depending on how fast or slow the CCAA decides to go. If they keep referring out 5 days at a time, we have another 28 months to wait (Feb 2010), if they refer out 7 days at a time we have 20 months to wait (July 2009), and if they speed things up to 10 days at a time (very doubtful as they haven't accomplished 10 days in the last year and don't plan to probably), we will have 14 more months to wait and will have our referral by Christmas of next year.
Not knowing how much longer we have to wait to finally be parents is really getting to me lately. I feel like I can't plan anything beyond a couple of months from now. We want to go on one last ski trip, does that mean we have to go this season? When can I start decorating her room, when can I start looking for a pediatrician? When should I get my shots? Everything is in limbo and so so so frustrating!
Oh, and now there is word that the great CCAA says no-no to con-current adoptions. As in if you submit your paperwork somewhere else, then NO (Chinese) BABY FOR YOU! So going anywhere else is not an option.
If we only knew WHEN, life would be SO much easier...I know, I know, all in God's time and there is a reason for everything! Please people, I know those things are true but let's put a moratorium on those statements for a bit, until I get some zen back into my head. I'd rather hear "Well, that just sucks, let me buy you a drink". Oy vey!
10/03/2007
Mackinac Island: Horse Poop, fudge and one fabulous wedding




Heather and Dan are finally married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The whole gang partook in Planes, Trains and Automobiles last week up to Mackinac Island. Actually, scratch the Trains and Automobiles and substitute Ferries and Horse and Carriages. The six of us did have to sprint through the entire Detroit airport to make our connecting flight in under 8 minutes, but that's another story......
Once we finally reached our destination we were in for a lovely wedding vacation. The water surrounding the 8 mile around island is crystal clear and the weather could not have been lovelier. The only mode of transport is bike or horse or on foot. We all got our share of exercise, but piled back on the calories through food and spirits.
The wedding itself was a beautiful outdoor gazebo event. The cocktail party the night before was held at the Grande. The Grande is a huge old hotel that boosts the longest patio in the US.
A picture is worth 1000 words, so here are a few to tell hte rest of the story!
9/24/2007
Artisic Vision
Happy (?) 17 month anniversary

17 months down, ? ? ? to go.......
Now there is word on RQ that one agency is getting preferential treatment and people who are clients of that particular agency are getting their referrals months ahead of everyone else. And here we all thought in the beginning that China adoption was the most black and white way to go.....
9/23/2007
Fortune cookie

Tonight we were feeling very lazy after a crazy hectic weekend and ordered in from Pei Wei. David's fortune in his cookie said "Your dream will soon come true".... on the back it read FATHER with the Chinese word for it. Pretty cool, huh? My Chinese word was March. March 2008 referral would make me pee my pants with excitement, March 2009 not so much.
9/18/2007
I tagged myself

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line four, and write what it says. From "Falling Leaves", a book I borrowed from FCC mom Lee about a girl growing up in
"Shanghai shining imported motor cars were speeding down….."
Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
Annie, my crazy Goldendoodle (I am writing this while laying in bed on the laptop)
What is the last thing you watched on TV?
What Not to Wear at noon while taking a lunch break (working from home has it’s perks!)
With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The rain pouring down outside. We are under some tropical system-could become a tropical depression soon
When did you last step outside?
About a half hour ago I decided to take the dogs out to pee in the pouring down rain. Of course a minute after I came inside, it stopped. Now I have two wet dogs, one of which is snuggling next to me on my freshly washed sheets. Oh well.
What were you doing?
See above.
Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Another FCC mom’s blog. Gave me inspiration to do this questionnaire. These are good when there are no adoption rumors floating about.
Did you dream last night?
Yes, actually it was around 7 this morning, I dreamed that I went to the grocery store and when I came out I saw that I left the dogs in a hot car. They were alive, just hot, all their hair fell off and they were almost dead. Geez, what a way to start my day with a terrible dream like that. What was that about? I have wicked nightmare's at least twice a week. Last week I had a dream an alligator climbed in the window of my car and ate Annie. What is with my nightmares about my car and my dogs?
When did you last laugh?
In my salsa class tonight.
What is on the walls of the room you are in?
A cross and three abstract taupe and aqua-ish colored pictures that I am not crazy about but match my new duvet. .
Seen anything weird lately?
A bit about OJ Simpson on the news. I turned off the tv because the scumbag doesn’t deserve any media attention
What is the last film you saw?
Knocked up. Twice. Oh, saw Anchor Man on tv Sunday after/during the Emmy’s. I always think I don’t watch that much tv, guess I do.
If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
Buy a time machine that would catapult me into the future to Gotcha Day! Seriously-Move to a bigger house. Pay off our debt. Give lots of money to Operation Smile and Half the Sky. Help family. Buy two new cars. Go on vacation to the
Tell me something about you that I don’t know?
I hate ricotta cheese. It’s late and I can’t think of anything more creative. That will have to do.
If you could change one thing about the world, what would you do?
Have the ability to impeach Bush.
Comment to President Bush.
Can you take an early retirement idiot?
Would you ever consider living abroad?
Maybe. If the opportunity arose. Ireland perhaps?
What do you want to say to God when you get to heaven?
Thanks for letting me in! Can I meet Sinatra now?
BTW....was fooling around with a picture I took of Fergiegirl today....rather Warhol-ish isn't it?
9/11/2007
Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!
Last Friday I went to the Grocery Pit, aka the Winn Dixie south of my house. I always always always go to Publix because the dregs of society can usually be found at the former store. I was in a hurry to pick up some potato salad for a bbq so I ran to WD. When I reached the deli area, where said potato salad could be found, I slipped on some I-don't-want-to-know-what-that-is on the floor and fell hard on my ass. And my flip flops broke, yes both of them. The top and the bottoms separated leaving me to walk, no shuffle, on just the bottoms. To make matters worse, the 80 year old Indian manager of the store is screaming at me to fill out some accident form. After about his 6th request, I barked back at him "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I AM NOT GOING TO SUE YOU LEAVE ME ALOOOOONE!". The old dude followed me all the way to my car, which was a 20 minute trip considering I had to shuffle at a tortoise pace the whole way. My butt was bruised, but not as bad as my ego. Ay carumba!
9/04/2007
Time of the month
We are keeping plenty busy putting our house on the market and looking for something roomier. I probably won't be blogging much this month, don't miss me too much!
8/14/2007
Not sure what to think.....
I am again seeing children with repaired special needs being referred to parents who are in the non-special-needs program. This cropped up last year and then seemed to fade away, but now it seems to be making a comeback.
So far these include things like heart surgeries, and extra digits (toes, fingers) that have been removed.
It can also include a repaired cleft, which to me is a bit scary for a family expecting NSN since children can require multiple surgeries for this until their faces stop growing and changing. Also, children who have cleft issues can have problems with other organs in their bodies. The same “issue” in utero that causes the cleft can also make some of the internal organs not develop properly and some parents who adopt a waiting child with a cleft do not know their child has these other problems until they are home with them.
A few agencies are now starting to warn clients of the possibility of being referred a child with a repaired special need so I’m assuming they have heard something from the CCAA that tells them this is will be the new policy.
8/13/2007
FCC Brunch
8/09/2007
Better chance of winning the lotto....
8/04/2007
August babes
Summer Reading
. Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress (Dai Sijie) about the lives of two teens, childhood friends who have been sent to a small Chinese village for "re-education" during Mao's Cultural Revolution
.The Waiting Child (Cindy Champnella) An extraordinary true story of human resilience in the face of tremendous odds. Adopted by an American family at age four, Jaclyn goes to her new home with a great burden. She had to leave behind a little boy who had been under her charge at the Chinese orphanage. Jaclyn inspires two families, several agencies, and two governments to cooperate to reunite her with 'her baby.' Everyone who reads this story will believe in the power of love to change the world.
.Snow Flower and the Secret Fan (Lisa See). See's engrossing novel set in remote 19th-century China details the deeply affecting story of lifelong, intimate friends (laotong, or "old sames") Lily and Snow Flower, their imprisonment by rigid codes of conduct for women and their betrayal by pride and love.
I am reading the Snow Flower book right now and was teary eyed reading about the footbinding. It is a probability that my daughter's biological grandmother or great-grandmother was made to go through this torture in the name of "beauty".














